This Hogmanay is very different to any other in my adult life. Since the age of 17, maybe even younger, I have always gotten dressed up, drank like a fish, laughed my head off at silly antics, and been incredibly hungover the next day. Tonight, not so….
CHIME ONE
I’m sat in my new pyjamas which my mum bought for me for christmas – so lovely and cosy they are, with fleecy socks, also from my parents, which feel so toasty. Although it feels weird not to be in a dress with make-up on and hair styled, my mum knows the comforts I like – such great gifts!
CHIME TWO
A glass of Pieroth’s “Parliament of Owls” by my side. Such a lovely, slightly-sweet, red wine, this is. Well worth the extra dollar spent on it, than my usual Tesco-bought merlot. Sip, sip, sip, relax and enjoy….
CHIME THREE
Belle is lying in front of me. This year I have fallen in love with her, even more than before. Every time I look at her, my heart swells with love. I seriously could not imagine life without her. She’s my beauty and my rock.
CHIME FOUR
Beau-Beau boy…. he’s about. He’s a wanderer. His little black paws carry him back and forth from the kitchen where Paul is cooking a sweet potato stew, to the living-room where Belle and I are chill-axing. He’s the life of the house. He brings so much joy, and he is always there with a cuddle when I am feeling mighty low. I love him to bits – his personality so similar to mine, that I feel we are most likely soul mates.
CHIME FIVE
I am reflecting over the year. There have been highs, but yet again a lot of lows. How I have dealt with the lows has been with a stronger, more courageous attitude than previous years. The first half of the year was a struggle, but from May/June onwards, I have let the bad things blow through, like the stormy winds we so often get where I live. Frequent, yet passing…
CHIME SIX
I lost a loved one this year. My gran. A sad time for my family in April and May, yet in a way brought us closer. My brother overcame his anxiety and vertigo and managed to attend the funeral, which I know made my dad feel more supported. I made a long road trip to Somerset for the interment of her body, and stood alongside my parents with so many friends and family in attendance too – a difficult day but lovely to meet some relatives I didn’t know. It was a day which will always stay in my heart for many reasons, but mainly for the look my dad gave me when he told me I was beautiful. I’ve never had and probably never will have a man look at me and say it with such sincerity.
CHIME SEVEN
Writing. I am so proud of what I have achieved over the past couple of years. This blog, and the proper beginnings of a book. A trip to Lochearnhead with Belle in November, and a deep focus on what I need and want to do has helped not only with the writing, but with my illness too. I am driven, passionate and I am blessed in that I have dreams which are attainable….
CHIME EIGHT
Work. Every day since April 2000, I have been thankful for having the job I have. Even more so since 2007, when faced with potential redundancy. I am very, very lucky, and despite changes which will inevitably occur in 2016, the skills I have gathered over the past 16 years, will stand me in good stead for whatever comes next.
CHIME NINE
Running was a bit disappointing this year. I did not manage to run the marathon I had entered, due to a broken foot. However, I did meet a lady who helped me with maintenance massages, and I doubt I would have got as far into the training had it not been for her help. Here’s hoping for a successful marathon in July 2016! I’m running to raise money for SMIRA (a Selective Mutism charity), which is not at all surprising.
CHIME TEN
My mental health seems in check just now. I had a massive struggle in the spring this year. Looking back, and realising why this was so, I hope to avoid relapses, but I also know that this is something I will probably battle all my life. It stems from a great many things, complexity upon complexity. But, it’s cool – if I keep running, writing, and enjoying the good things in life, such as food, dogs, wine, and friends, then I will be in control and bounce back from the boo-hoo days. I also feel better physically. One of my passions is nutrition, and diet, and being vegetarian, I am careful to get all the protein and nutrients I miss out on from not eating meat and fish. One of the best changes I made, which has made me feel a whole lot less dizzy, was replacing OMEGA-3-6-9 supplements with OMEGA-3 only. I won’t bore you with the science behind it – look it up if you are intrigued….
CHIME ELEVEN
Friends. Well, what can I say? I am super-blessed. This has been an awesome year. I now have a great local best friend – Louise, who is so similar to me in many ways, yet different in a lot too. We have enjoyed many cocktail nights, put the world to rights, and laughed until our socks fall off. But, not forgetting my long-standing friends. I have had regular meets with Morag in Stirling. Definitely a highlight of my year. As was my mini-break with Catriona, Morven, Kate and Hannah in Yorkshire in August. I am super-lucky to have made such great friends at school, and I know (no need to hope) we will be friends for life. Denise moved into a house only a four minute walk from mine! I’ve also had Peta come to stay, I went to London and met her on her birthday, and I stayed with Lucy, which was simply great. In May, I saw dear Louise in Glasgow – wish I could see her more, and just last week, I met up with Michy in Edinburgh and had a long and overdue catch-up. I also feel closer to some local ladies and feel absolutely honoured that one of them shared her fantastic news with me yesterday. There are many more I could mention, but all dear in my hearts and thoughts. I know some are going through problems like I have had and I appreciate when I do get the chance to see them, albeit it briefly, if they are dropping something off, for example – I miss and love you just the same (you know who you are).
CHIME TWELVE
As 2016 grows ever closer, I get self-critical, as many of us do. What do I want to change? What do I want to continue? What will I do differently? Tonight has been odd. I can’t say it’s a new year I want to repeat. Jen lost Jenny a few years ago, and needs to find her again. I have forgotten who I used to be. But, I am sure to find her, and the fire in my belly is slowly growing. Sometimes I wonder if my karma was not to feel anything, and slowly, but surely, the tide of joyfulness is coming back to me….
Happy New Year, peeps. Thanks for reading this and all my other blogs. Your support for my passion, is priceless.
DING DONG!
peoplereadanyway 